Stung by complaints that the media report only bad news from Iraq, the ABC News Baghdad bureau went looking for something cheerful. Its reporters found a new romantic television comedy, “starring the Danny DeVito of Iraq”. Sadly, while they were recording this upbeat tale, they were interrupted by the news that the impresario behind the show had just been shot dead.
The Economist, March 18, 2006, page 43.
From an entertaining list of extreme IP nonsense…
Microsoft UK held a contest for the best film on “intellectual property theft”; finalists had to sign away “all intellectual property rights” on “terms acceptable to Microsoft.”
Is there no end to this Google nonsense? Does anyone really care if “Brazilian Treasury Yield Rises on US Rate Outlook”?
No, you couldn’t make this up. Good Morning Silicon Valley reports…
Good thing the FBI teaches agents Morse code because chances are they may need it. According to Mark Mershon, the assistant director in charge of the agency’s New York City office, budget constraints have deprived some FBI agents of e-mail accounts.
“As ridiculous as this might sound, we have real money issues right now, and the government is reluctant to give all agents and analysts dot-gov accounts,” Mershon told the New York Daily News yesterday. “We just don’t have the money, and that is an endless stream of complaints that come from the field.”
Lovely piece by Marina Hyde.
Charles Falconer’s tour of the breakfast studios yesterday contrived – almost unthinkably – to take the mental cheating that has characterised the party’s handling of the donations affair and so many before it to a new low.
The government welcomed people’s concerns, explained his Lordship. Good heavens, they were concerned themselves, and wished to take this chance to take a close look at party funding, to further “clean up” the system, adding that they would most certainly be making it compulsory to disclose any loans in the future.
So, if we are to understand him: a tiny cabal of New Labour figures sought a loophole in legislation they had fashioned entirely themselves, exploited it ruthlessly in total secrecy, were exposed, and now seek to have a “public debate” about it, proposing to outlaw a practice that was personally sanctioned by the prime minister in private barely one year ago.
Did you ever hear anything so intellectually weak in your life?
Since you ask, Marina, no.
I loathe and abominate PowerPoint, but sometimes am obliged to use it because the conference organisers go bananas with anxiety if you don’t give them a presentation in advance.
For those who are obliged to use the infernal tool, here’s a great rule invented by Guy Kawasaki, a Venture Capitalist.
Before there is an epidemic of Ménière’s [disease] in the venture capital community, I am trying to evangelize the 10/20/30 Rule of PowerPoint. It’s quite simple: a PowerPoint presentation should have ten slides, last no more than twenty minutes, and contain no font smaller than thirty points. While I’m in the venture capital business, this rule is applicable for any presentation to reach agreement: for example, raising capital, making a sale, forming a partnership, etc.
Ten is the optimal number of slides in a PowerPoint presentation because a normal human being cannot comprehend more than ten concepts in a meeting—and venture capitalists are very normal. (The only difference between you and venture capitalist is that he is getting paid to gamble with someone else’s money). If you must use more than ten slides to explain your business, you probably don’t have a business…
Thanks to Quentin for the link.
I guess only Apple Mac users will appreciate this. It shows how a little bit of PhotoShopping goes a long way.
Thanks to Brian for the link.
My Observer fellow-columnist, Henry Porter, has been conducting a valiant campaign to stir people’s interest in the ID Cards Bill that the Blair regime is trying to force through Parliament. He’s written another excellent piece this morning…
I would feel a bore and an obsessive if I hadn’t pored over the ID card bill last week and read Hansard’s account of the exchanges in both houses.
One of the most chilling passages in the bill is section 13 which deals with the ‘invalidity and surrender’ of ID cards, which, in effect, describes the withdrawal of a person’s identity by the state. For, without this card, it will be almost impossible to function, to exist as a citizen in the UK. Despite the cost to you, this card will not be your property.
My only quibble is that, technically, UK inhabitants are not ‘citizens’; they’re subjects of the Crown.
This morning’s Observer column…
Ask a liberal to give an example of an oxymoron (a contradiction in terms) and s/he will invariably say ‘military intelligence’. Ask an old-style television executive and you will get the reply: ‘user-generated content’. That’s because in the glory days of broadcast TV, viewers were assumed to be incapable of generating anything, with the possible exception of subscriptions to sports channels. The idea that couch potatoes might create content was deemed ludicrous. And even if the saps could create something, there was no way of publishing it. QED.
So here’s your starter for 10. Who said this?
‘Power is moving away from the old elite in our industry – the editors, the chief executives and, let’s face it, the proprietors. A new generation of media consumers has risen demanding content delivered when they want it, how they want it, and very much as they want it. This new media audience – and we are talking here of tens of millions of young people around the world – is already using technology, especially the web, to inform, entertain and above all to educate themselves. This knowledge revolution empowers the reader, the student, the cancer patient, the victim of injustice, anyone with a vital need for the right information.’…
Hilarious piece in Slate by Evan Eisenberg. Sample:
In order to serve you better, it will be helpful for us to know which order you belong to. For Primates, press 1. For Cetacea and Proboscidea, press 2. For Jesuit or Dominican, press 3. For Knights Templar or Hospitaler, Knights of Pythias or Columbus, as well as Masons, Elks, and Kiwanis, or if you are unsure, press 4. If you are a Franciscan and have a rotary phone, please stay on the line.
Please key in the model and serial number of the product you are calling about. The model number is the series of 12 letters and digits that is visible when you push the unit away from the wall, work your head into the gap using a crowbar and No. 10 machine oil, and train a beam of ultraviolet light on the lower three centimeters of the right-hand rear surface of the appliance.
If the model number is obscured by dust or cockroach detritus, wipe it with a soft, lint-free cloth soaked in a solution of ordinary rubbing alcohol, Kirschwasser, and formaldehyde. The serial number is the 37-digit number inscribed by means of laser nanotechnology on the underside of the unit and is not visible to the naked eye.
When you have entered both numbers, press the pound key. Note that at any point you may return to the previous menu by hanging up, calling again, and repeating the process until you reach the point just before the point you are at right now…
There’s more. Much more. For example:
Most common problems can be resolved at home by following a simple sequence of diagnostic tests and procedures. We will now guide you through such a sequence. If you wish to skip this section, press 1, 3, and 9 simultaneously while restarting your telephone. Please note: If, while answering these questions, you see smoke or flames or if your chest is warm to the touch, hang up and call 911.
The only thing missing is the ubiquitous assurance that “we really value your call”.
Footnote: After recovering from a bout of hysterical laughter I realised that I’m currently reading Mr Eisenberg’s lovely book, The recording angel: Music, Records and Culture from Aristotle to Zappa.