Memo from KPMG to George W. Bush concerning their audit of his political capital account. Excerpt:
1. We’re having trouble reconciling assets and liabilities (we ran the numbers three times and still couldn’t come up with the positive balance you reported). Do you have a single person responsible for managing this account we might talk to? Is it still Mr. Rove?
2. We think you may have overstated earnings in November 2004. While assets may be depressed due to “market panic,” it seems unlikely they will recover to 2004 levels. And frankly, it’s time to write off some, such as Social Security reform, that have been “under water” for a while now.
3. Anticipated income from specific investments can no longer be reported before it has been fully realized (so called “mark-to-market” accounting). Can you clarify whether the earnings you claimed in 2003 and 2004 from your Iraq holdings—”Spreading democracy in the Middle East” and “Restoring U.S. prestige”— actually occurred? If not, can they be reasonably anticipated before 2009? (Please note, after that date they cannot accrue to this account.)
4. We have moved some assets to the liability column (Mr. Claude Allen, Ms. H. Meirs). Others appear highly troubled (e.g., the Medicare Drug Benefit, Donald Rumsfeld) and may need to be revalued or reorganized…
Nice spoof, by David Atkins.