Dear Santa

Alan Coren in The Times, imagining the kinds of letters which might be arriving in Lapland this year. Sample:

dere snata

i am riting on behalf of my partnr, nicklas, 8, on acount of he wares this micky mouse wotch, and i am ashamed to be seen out wiv him, it is not sheek like yu see in mens magzines, i wuld like him to ware sunnink cool and fashnibble such as a wane roony wotch, wich he wuld do if yu brung him wun for crismas. if yu felt he woznt reddy for that, praps yu culd meet him half-way, with, frinstance, a micky roony wotch. for miself, i wuld like a DVD of teddys bare piknik