No, you couldn’t make this up. Good Morning Silicon Valley reports…

Good thing the FBI teaches agents Morse code because chances are they may need it. According to Mark Mershon, the assistant director in charge of the agency’s New York City office, budget constraints have deprived some FBI agents of e-mail accounts.

“As ridiculous as this might sound, we have real money issues right now, and the government is reluctant to give all agents and analysts dot-gov accounts,” Mershon told the New York Daily News yesterday. “We just don’t have the money, and that is an endless stream of complaints that come from the field.”

Lovely piece by Marina Hyde.

Charles Falconer’s tour of the breakfast studios yesterday contrived – almost unthinkably – to take the mental cheating that has characterised the party’s handling of the donations affair and so many before it to a new low.

The government welcomed people’s concerns, explained his Lordship. Good heavens, they were concerned themselves, and wished to take this chance to take a close look at party funding, to further “clean up” the system, adding that they would most certainly be making it compulsory to disclose any loans in the future.

So, if we are to understand him: a tiny cabal of New Labour figures sought a loophole in legislation they had fashioned entirely themselves, exploited it ruthlessly in total secrecy, were exposed, and now seek to have a “public debate” about it, proposing to outlaw a practice that was personally sanctioned by the prime minister in private barely one year ago.

Did you ever hear anything so intellectually weak in your life?

Since you ask, Marina, no.