From an email reporting an exchange overheard in New York:

Old lady, to woman speaking on Bluetooth headset: “Excuse me, but are you talking to yourself?”

Woman just looks at her and keeps talking.

Old lady: “Because, if you are, you should be nicer to yourself.”

Reminds me of the time a colleague of mine was walking down a long, deserted corridor in Denver airport at night. Coming towards him was a very large black guy who spoke thus: “First I’m gonna whip your ass, then I’m gonna kill ya”.

Just as my friend was composing himself for sudden death he noticed the hands-free wire dangling from the chap’s left ear.