High Def panic

O dear. It seems that HDTV has been causing alarm on planet Celeb.

Given that the nation is still struggling to get used to the idea of digital TV, it’s easy to get talk of “high definition” confused with all the other jargon that no one understands. In theory, high definition is what happens after digital. High-definition screens have more pixels making up the television picture, and said picture is created faster and in sharper definition. Every shot in high-definition is effectively a microscopic examination of skin complexion and condition, with even the tiniest imperfections becoming unbearably visible.

It’s tough out there, apparently. Here’s a review of Hilary Clinton and John McCain’s appearances on HD.

In high-def, Hillary looked remarkably masculine with thick eyebrows, David Spade-like haircut and a tan pants suit that could have gotten her into a Gertrude Stein poetry reading night without having to pay a cover. The overall look wasn’t helped by the fact that her neck was redder than the state of Alabama in the 2004 presidential election. She really needs to think about covering that thing up in future appearances. It looks raw and unhealthy in high-def.

Now, let’s get to McCain, who was on Tuesday night (August 28) on the Tonight Show With Jay Leno. McCain is now 71 years old and there’s no hiding it in high-def. He looks so feeble and doddering despite his best efforts to appear energetic. To make matters worse, he repeated an old joke that Sen. Bob Dole used to tell about having trouble sleeping at night: “I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours crying.” When you’re trying to look fresh and young, you don’t quote someone even older than you. McCain likes to say he’s a maverick, but at this point, he looks older than the original maverick, James Garner.