Farewell my Darling: the fall guy’s final budget

The Economist thinks that it was a dishonest, politicking effort. It’s hard to disagree.

The wheel of fortune turns swiftly in politics. Gordon Brown pulled off the G20 meeting in London on April 2nd, emerging with a plausible aura of global statesmanship. After a handful of Labour sleaze stories and a misguided statement on YouTube, the prime minister looked more like Richard Nixon: shifty, angry and with a list of enemies to smear. And that was before a downright dishonest budget on April 22nd.

The budget was a crucial one, for two reasons. First, Mr Brown is running out of time—he has to hold an election by June 2010—and Britain seems increasingly fed up with him. The public regards his party with distaste (see article). That’s partly because a dozen years in power tends to tarnish: when the home secretary’s husband charges the taxpayer for the porn he watches, one gets an inkling that a government’s time is up. But it’s also because of Mr Brown’s character. His strength, which the G20 meeting displayed, is dour pragmatism. Too often, though, he resorts to tribal politics, in a way that seems both scheming and incompetent.

Second, the budget marks the government’s attempts to deal with the fiscal consequences of the worst slowdown since the second world war. Mr Brown is partly to blame for this mess, but crisis management should have played to his strengths; instead, it revealed his worst side…

I’ve always thought that the key factor has little or nothing to do with politics. The British electorate isn’t much interested in politics, but when a regime has been in power for a while the public simply gets bored with it. And when that happens, the game is up.

Tony Blair always thought that Brown would be a disaster as Prime Minister (see The Homburg Factor), and in that at least he turns out to have been right. I’ve never met Brown, but he’s always seemed fishy. What’s especially creepy is all that sanctimonious crap about being “a son of the Manse”, as if somehow that elevated him onto a higher moral plane than the rest of us — not to mention the rest of the political class. The Damien McBride episode exposed this moralistic posturing for what it was — hypocritical baloney. McBride has been close to Brown for years. Everyone who ever came into contact with McB knew what he was like. Brown not only knew, but obviously approved — otherwise why would he have kept him on (and brought him with him to Number Ten)?

The ubiquitous commentator Will Hutton has done a two-part TV documentary for Dispatches on how the financial crisis happened. The first part was screened last night, and although it’s clear that Hutton is riding his own hobby-horse (i.e. the view that the British government and regulators proved deeply incompetent when it came to the crunch), his film did include three toe-curling video clips.

The first shows Brown, newly-installed as Chancellor, explaining smugly to the House of Commons how his shiny new tripartite system for ‘light’ regulation of the banking system was a world beater — while, behind him, Tony Blair smirks complacently on the government front bench. The second clip shows Brown giving his first speech to the Lord Mayor’s Banquet and sucking up in a nauseating way to the assembled members of the City elite. The final clip shows him opening the London office of Lehman Brothers: he unveils a plaque and then begins fawning on Richard Fuld, CEO of the bank and arguably the creepiest-looking dude since Boris Karloff hung up his mask. What these clips illustrate above all is the extent to which Brown was in awe of the soi-disant ‘masters of the universe’. They should be on a permanent loop. Perhaps they already are — on YouTube.

Forty years on

The Open University, where I’ve worked for most of my career, is 40 years old today. It’s come a long way since it was known as “The University of the Air”, when academics at other universities made sniffy jokes about our students getting pass degrees if they had black-and-white televisions and honours only if they had colour sets. I came here from Cambridge via a series of improbable coincidences and vowed to myself that I would leave when I got bored. I’m still here — though to be honest there are times in committee meetings when I have temporarily lost the will to live. But that’s true of all universities, nowadays. At its best — when it’s innovating — the OU is still the best place in the educational world to be. And I have some really terrific colleagues here. Also we have more iTunesU downloads than almost anyone else in the business. And there are some Very Big Developments in the pipeline — though you can’t hear about them yet unless you sign an NDA. Patience, patience — all will be revealed in a few months.

So now the OU is big and successful — and entering early middle age. And you know what that means. Ask Microsoft, which is currently trying to recover its lost youth. So maybe it’s appropriate that our next Vice Chancellor, Martin Bean — who takes up his post in the Autumn — is currently a Very Senior M$ executive! The old Chinese curse still applies: may we live in interesting times.

Missing links

There are, it is said, only two golf stories. #1: I had a terrific drive but then screwed it up with a lousy second shot. #2 I hit a lousy drive but redeemed it with a terrific second shot. But actually there are lots of golf stories. For example, the one about the conscience-stricken bride who, on her wedding night, says to the groom that she has something to confess. “Before I met you”, she says, tearfully, “I used to be a hooker”. “Oh honey”, he replies, “that’s nothing. All you have to do is change your stance and tuck in your right arm on the downswing…”.

Golf is the only game I was ever hooked on. I played it more or less every day from the age of ten until I went to Cambridge at the age of 22, when I stopped after I discovered how expensive it would be — in both time and money — to play in the University golf club. By that stage, Carol and I had a baby son, and the idea of my being away for many weekends — not to mention for hours on end during weekday afternoons — was repugnant to our feminist souls, and so my clubs went into storage and have been used only on rare occasions ever since. But it’s still the only game that grabs my attention, and the only one that I will watch on TV. I always watch the US Masters, for example, and the British Open. And the Ryder Cup.

So it’s not surprising that my eye was caught by a lovely piece in last week’s New Yorker by David Owen, about the rediscovery of an ancient golf course at Askernish on the island of South Uist in the Outer Hebrides. The course was laid out over a century ago by Old Tom Morris, the founding father of modern golf who, in the 1860s won four of the first eight British Opens and became the head professional of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews and chief greenkeeper of the Old Course there which — as Mr Owen says — is “golf’s holiest ground”.

The article, alas, is not available online, but the New Yorker has put up a slideshow narrated by David Owen which nicely conveys a sense of what has been uncovered at Askernish, and captures something of the magic of a proper links course.

Non-golfers sometimes treat the terms ‘golf course’ and ‘links’ as synonymous, but they’re not. “Linksland”, explains Owen, “is a specific type of sandy, wind-sculpted coastal terrain — the word comes from the Old English word blinc, ‘rising ground’ — and in its authentic form it exists in only a few places on earth, the most famous of which are in Great Britain and Ireland”. Links are always dry — even in the depths of winter — because of the way water drains through the sandy base. So the ball always bounces on the fairway, and never ‘plugs’ in the way that it will on a sodden inland course. And because links are always, by definition, by the sea, to the challenges of the terrain must be added the complications of wind. If you learned to play golf — as I did — on a links, then you learned always to keep the ball as low as possible. The kind of high, pitching shot so characteristic of, say, those who play Augusta National in the Masters, would be suicidal in Askernish.

So for me the New Yorker piece rang lots of bells. It also reminded me of something I had known but had long forgotten — that Tom Morris had laid out my favourite course: Lahinch in Co. Clare on Ireland’s West coast.

The characteristic of a Morris course is that it is shaped by the landscape rather than — as with modern course design — imposed upon it by earthmoving equipment. As a game, golf was, in David Owen’s words,

“permanently shaped by the ground on which it was invented. Groomed fairways are the descendants of the well-grazed valleys between the old linksland dunes; bunkers began as sandy depressions worn through thin turf by livestock huddling against coastal gales; the first greens and teeing grounds were flattish, elevated areas whose relatively short grass — closely grazed by rabbits and other animals and stunted by the brutal weather — made them the logical places to begin and end holes.”

So some of the most celebrated golf holes in these islands owe their character “more to serendipity and the vicissitudes of animal husbandry than they do to picks and shovels, since in the early years course design was more nearly an act of imagination and discovery than of physical construction.”

As an example, Owen cites the fifth hole in Lahinch, a short Par Three of fiendish unplayability. As you stand on the tee the green is totally invisible because between you and it is a high dune on the top of which is a white stone which — allegedly — indicates the line to the current pin position.

“Take an extra club”, says the official guide,

“to ensure clearing the famous dune in front of the green. As a general rule, due to an optical illusion, the white stone marking the pin location is ‘off’ by 5-10 yards to the left of the actual pin location.”

The offending dune — as David Owen observes — is “a feature that almost any contemporary architect would have eliminated with a bulldozer”.

The village of Lahinch has been comprehensively ruined by the insane, tacky ‘development’ of the Celtic Tiger in its rampaging years. But the links remains a truly magical place. There is no more beautiful spot in the Western world on a late Summer evening, with the sun settling into the Atlantic behind you, than the Par Four twelfth, where — the official guide again — you have to “aim your tee shot 10 yards right of the [ruined] Castle in the distance”.

And as for the eighteenth, well… words fail me — almost.