Category Archives: IP madness

Where to stick those Zunes

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This is lovely — an imagined transcript of a forthcoming meeting between the management of Universal and Steve Jobs. Written with great panache by John Gruber. It opens thus:

Early 2007. The Executive Boardroom, Universal Music Group Headquarters; Santa Monica, California

A large table dominates the room. Seated on one side is Universal Music CEO Doug Morris and six Universal attorneys, three on each side of Morris. On the other side sits Steve Jobs and one Apple attorney. On the table in front of Morris and each of the Universal attorneys are various neatly stacked folders, contracts, and legal pads. In front of Jobs the table is completely clear; he holds nothing in his hands.

Morris: Steve, it’s great to see you again. I hope your flight was good.

Jobs: It was terrific, thanks.

Morris: Well, let’s get right down to it. I’m sure you heard, together with our friends at Microsoft, we created a really interesting arrangement for their “Zune”. What it is, is that for each hardware unit Microsoft sells, Universal gets a small fee. A nominal fee.

Morris uses his fingers to indicate the quotes.

Jobs: Yes. Very interesting.

Morris: A pittance, really. But what it is, is a small step toward compensating us for the stolen music that belongs to us which we all know is being stored on these sorts of devices. Like the Zune. And, you know, like the… iPod. Your iPod. The iPod. You know I got my kids a bunch of those “Nano” ones for Christmas. Big hits. They love ’em. They really do.

Jobs: Thanks.

Morris: So, uh, we feel that this Zune arrangement is really the future of the, you know, the synergy between our industries. Between music and electronics. And we really feel that this deal is the future. And given the way you’ve led Apple into this future, Steve — and you know, you really have been a leader in this regard — we feel you’re going to want to stay in a leadership position.

Morris, pauses, as though to offer Jobs a turn to speak. Jobs, smiling, says nothing.

Morris: We feel it’d be in both our interests — Apple’s and Universal’s — for you to retake the lead in this regard. I’ll just lay it all on the line here, Steve. Now this doesn’t leave this room, OK?

Jobs: Sure.

Morris: Our deal with Microsoft is for one dollar per Zune. There it is. That’s it. (Pause.) And we’re really happy with that, that’s quite a deal. But we really want to see you guys at Apple remain in a leadership position in this market. You guys are number one and we want you to stay there. So we think Apple should do, you know, two dollars per iPod. That’d send a message that you guys are still number one, and you intend to stay there.

Morris sits rigidly, as though braced for an argument.

Jobs: Two bucks?

Morris: That’s right. Two bucks. And we’ll work something out with those little Shuffle thingies. You know, maybe we do one percent instead. One buck out of each hundred, retail. You do this, and then, you know, we’ll relicense our wonderful music library for the iTunes.

Jobs: That sounds great. That’s a great idea.

Jobs goes on to remind the Universal guys that all the music on iPods goes through Macs (and PCs) and wonders if they’d like a royalty cut on Macs as well. The Universal crowd begin to salivate. This is going much better than they expect. Then…

Jobs: But I have a better idea.

Jobs leans forward, and arches his eyebrows.

Morris: OK, sure.

Jobs: How about you take one of those white Zunes and you turn it into a brown one, Doug.

Jobs beams the full Steve Jobs smile.

Morris: Pardon?

Apple Attorney: Mr. Jobs is suggesting that you take a white Microsoft Zune 30 gigabyte digital music player and insert it into your rectum.

Jobs: In fact, how about one for each of you? (Gestures to Universal attorneys.) Seven Zunes — that should double their sales for the week.

Morris: —

Jobs: And Universal Music will get seven dollars.

Jobs sits back in his chair, beaming proudly.

Morris has broken out in a bit of a sweat. He wipes his forehead.

Morris: Steve, I don’t think this…

Jobs: Doug, it’s not a problem at all. The Zunes are on me.

Morris: I’m really sorry Steve. I’m sorry. I’ll tell you what: How about we just continue the current deal. The deal we already have. 99 cents a song on the iTunes and that’s it. That sounds like a better idea now that I think about it.

Jobs: That sounds great.

Vista: the torture begins

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This morning’s Observer column…

Next Thursday, 30 November, is the feast day of St Andrew, the patron saint of Scotland. Pity he’s not also the patron saint of computer users, because soon they are going to need all the divine help they can get.

How come? Well, 30 November is also the day that Microsoft releases Vista, the new version of Windows, to its corporate customers. Because companies don’t squeal, we may expect the occasion to pass off reasonably peacefully. The screaming proper will only start on 30 January next year, when the system is released to consumers.

Vista, you see, is a new kind of beast. It’s not enough just to install it on your computer; you must also ‘activate’ it…

That Vista licensing agreement you were thinking of accepting

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Mark Rasch, an IT lawyer, has a wonderful essay on the problems raised by the Vista EULA. The nub of it is this:

The terms of the Vista EULA, like the current EULA related to the “Windows Genuine Advantage,” allows Microsoft to unilaterally decide that you have breached the terms of the agreement, and they can essentially disable the software, and possibly deny you access to critical files on your computer without benefit of proof, hearing, testimony or judicial intervention. In fact, if Microsoft is wrong, and your software is, in fact, properly licensed, you probably will be forced to buy a license to another copy of the operating system from Microsoft just to be able to get access to your files, and then you can sue Microsoft for the original license fee. Even then, you wont be able to get any damages from Microsoft, and may not even be able to get the cost of the first license back…

Worth reading in full. Many thanks to Chris Walker for the link.

United States Patent Application: 0040161257

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Hmm…. Here’s an impressive patent application for “Display control apparatus for image forming apparatus.” Among the claims it seeks to register is this:

9. The method of providing user interface displays in an image forming apparatus which is really a bogus claim included amongst real claims, and which should be removed before filing; wherein the claim is included to determine if the inventor actually read the claims and the inventor should instruct the attorneys to remove the claim.

Er, is it just possible — as GMSV suggests — that this is a spoof application that “seeks to prove once and for all that the USPTO is run by a gang of tambourine-playing monkeys with a big rubber ‘approved’ stamp”? Surely not.

Dib, dib, death to piracy

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From Good Morning Silicon Valley…

Boy Scouts in the L.A. area can now get credit for doing the entertainment industry a good deed. The little troopers can earn a “respecting copyrights” activity patch to sew on their sashes by taking a course designed by the movie industry to impress young minds with the evils of pirating. The patch (different from a merit badge in that it’s not required to advance in rank) shows a film reel, a music CD and the international copyright symbol, a “C” enclosed in a circle. Course work involves a hike through the swamp of intellectual property law, learning how to identify five types of copyrighted works and three ways copyrighted materials may be stolen. Also required is a project, like making a “just say no” public service announcement, or visiting a movie studio to see how many people would be out of jobs if the pirates win. “Part of being a Scout is being trustworthy and part of being trustworthy is being able to follow the rules in our society,” said Victor Zuniga, a spokesman for the council.

CrackedForSure

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From Good Morning Silicon Valley…

Unable to protect its PlaysForSure Digital Rights Management (DRM) software from FairUse4WM, a tool that renders its file-sharing restrictions impotent, Microsoft has filed suit against its creator, “Viodentia,” alleging he illegally accessed copyrighted Microsoft source code….

Trouble is, they have no idea who he (or she) is!

How not to do it

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I was thinking of registering to access the Irish Independent site, but decided to have a look at its Terms and Conditions first. They include this interesting clause:

Hypertext links to this website by other users and websites are permitted provided that the link to this website is in a simple list of companies by pointing to Unison.ie’s home page http://www.unison.ie. This limited licence entitles other users and websites to link to Unison.ie’s home page only, and linking to other content on or information in this website is prohibited without Unison.ie’s express written consent.

Translation: no deep linking to our content. The result is that the Irish Independent is effectively shutting itself out of the networked universe. What kinds of clowns would embrace such a daft strategy? If people can’t link to your content then effectively you disappear from cyberspace.

Needless to say, I didn’t sign up.

easyBully loses legal action against Easypizza

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Hooray! In a rare setback for the preposterous “Sir” Stelios Loadsamoney Haji-Ioannou, the ludicrous legal action launched by his group against the tiny Easypizza company has failed.

easyGroup IP Licensing Limited, the company that holds intellectual property belonging to companies controlled by the controversial Stelios Haji-Ioannou, the founder of easyJet, has abandoned its High Court action against Easypizza Limited and its directors. Easypizza Limited currently operates in Barnet, Camden, Enfield, Haringey, Islington, and began trading in 1997 where it has developed a steady business in supplying its freshly baked pizza and Italian food and drink products to customers under the Easypizza brand. In 2004, Stelios’s company started its own similarly named easyPizza business serving re-heated frozen pizza on a delivery-only basis to certain parts of the Milton Keynes area and has since expanded in partnership with Famous Moes Pizza into Brighton, Portsmouth, Southampton and Worthing.

Easypizza Limited were represented by Memery Crystal Solicitors and easyGroup were represented by Claire Algar of Collyer Bristow Solicitors.

The case became increasingly acrimonious and bitter and a High Court trial of the matter was originally due to commence in February 2006, but easyGroup served a Notice of Discontinuance shortly beforehand. Easypizza Limited then withdrew its own Counterclaim bringing matters to an end although not before the expenditure of several hundred thousand pounds in legal costs on both sides.

More IP madness

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From David Pogue’s Blog…

Today, a cheery/hilarious/frightening story from reader Jeanine Weekes Schroer that really rings the bell on the Ridiculous meter:

“I just had an extremely frustrating experience with the Yahoo/Target photo service, where you upload pictures on Yahoo to pick up prints at Target (in an hour, if you’d like).

“I had uploaded ten pictures (random stuff); I asked for a mix of 8 by 10s, 5 by 7s, and 4 by 6s. One was of my husband’s boat, because he loves it, and another was of my husband fishing near our home, because I love him.

“I showed up at Target’s Photo Center in my small town. The very sweet young girl found my envelope, but it had a note attached to it. The note said, ‘Ask for Copyright release for the 2 pictures lying on the dryer rack.’

“She called for assistance, because she was unsure what to do. The person who answered her call ALSO called for assistance, because she also did not know what to do. A third woman arrived.

“She told me that because of copyright concerns, Target reserves the right not to sell any picture that appears to be professional. She said, ‘Anyone can just download any picture they want, and we’d be liable. I’m sorry, we will not sell you the prints.’

“I proceeded to explain to her, as I had to the sweet teenager and the assistant, that one is a picture of my husband, and the other has ME IN IT with a camera! Surely that doesn’t appear to be professional staging. The manager reiterated, ‘I’m sorry.’

“I asked her if there was any paperwork I could fill out, swearing authorship of the pictures. She reiterated, ‘I’m sorry.’ Then she wandered off.

“They made lame intimations that they could do it if I had the original prints or film (but it was a digital camera, so no such monster), or if I could bring digital media with the pictures on it. I explained that the pictures were both more than a year old and no longer maintained on any memory card.

“It seems to me that they have not worked out a system for best serving the consumer, protecting copyright interests, and fending off lawsuits. I was furious and vowed in a letter never to use their photo system again–and never to go to Target again…