The big lie

The root cause of Tony Blair’s credibility problem is that he took Britain to war on a false prospectus. But the really interesting question is how he got into the mess in the first place. The answer is, in essence, simple. The Bush administration had decided soon after the 9/11 attacks (or perhaps even before that) to attack Iraq. Blair, for reasons still unclear, had decided that whatever the US did, the UK would support. From that single decision, everything then followed. But since there was no rational justification for Bush’s deteremination to oust Saddam, Blair had to thrash around for a justification he could sell to the British parliament, and the British people.

What I hadn’t realised, until I read this remarkable piece by Mark Danner, is how early the decision to go with the Yanks was being discussed in Whitehall.

Danner’s piece is based round a leaked minute of a meeting held in Downing Street on 23 July 2002 (yep — 2002) in which the entire thing was discussed. Here’s an extract which gives the flavour of the discussion:

C [Sir Richard Dearlove, Head of MI6] reported on his recent talks in Washington. There was a perceptible shift in attitude. Military action was now seen as inevitable. Bush wanted to remove Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy. The NSC had no patience with the UN route, and no enthusiasm for publishing material on the Iraqi regime’s record. There was little discussion in Washington of the aftermath after military action.

(Emphasis added.)

Go on. Be an idiot.

A lot of general promotional advertising is daft, but the campaign run by Accenture, the big consulting firm, is completely bonkers. It features Tiger Woods, who may be a great golfer (though now past his best) but is not widely known for consulting services.

I’m looking at two pages in last week’s Financial Times Magazine. The first shows him hacking his way out of what appears to be ferocious rough. The slogan reads “Never be intimidated. Go on. Be a tiger”. The back page of the mag shows Tiger bending down to consider a putt. Slogan reads: “Waiting for local conditions is rarely an option. Go on. Be a tiger”. What, pray, has this to do with anything? And who gets paid to produce this garbage?

Interesting fact #2354: Accenture (in itself a daft name, produced by corporate brainstorming) emerged from the wreckage of an earlier international firm, Andersen Consulting.

Interesting fact #2355: the current CEO of Accenture is one Joe W. Forehand. Maybe he will drop Tiger in favour of a leading tennis player. At least they could then talk about ‘forehand drive’.

eBay digs deeper

Healey’s First Law of Holes: when you’re in one, stop digging. Advice lost on eBay’s management, which has discovered that dealing with St Bob Geldof is not at all like handling Wall Street.

Yesterday, St Bob attacked eBay because people were selling Live 8 concert tickets on it for vast sums. eBay replied primly that the sellers were doing nothing illegal. Geldof then called for people to put in “impossible bids” to frustrate the sellers. Some conscientious folks obliged, putting in bids like £10 million. Now they discover that they have been blacklisted by eBay — at the same time that eBay has decided to ban the hitherto “perfectly legal” ticket auctions.

Hot Lines to the Almighty

Hilarious story in The Register

A Cardiff vicar has addressed the problem of falling congregations by offering his flock a quiet wireless hotspot in which they can seek the meaning of the word salvation on Google while chewing the fat via email with Pope Benny 16.

Keith Kimber, of St John’s in Cardiff city centre, has sold his soul to Cardiff Council and BT Openzone to acquire the wirless technology. Before inking the mephistophelean technopact, Rev Kimber was unable to access the city’s wireless services due to his church’s four-foot-thick walls. Now, however, he boasts a wireless node within the body of the House of God itself.

Said the good Reverend: “The church has to move with the times and I wanted to make St John’s a sanctuary for everyone, including business people with laptops and mobiles.”

Jacko and postmodernism

I haven’t been following the Michael Jackson trial but this wonderfully wacky piece by Terry Eagleton made me wonder if I should have been. Sample:

Courtrooms, like novels, blur the distinction between fact and fiction. They are self-enclosed spheres in which what matters is not so much what actually took place in the real world, but how it gets presented to the jury. The jury judge not on the facts, but between rival versions of them. Since postmodernists believe that there are no facts in any case, just interpretations, law courts neatly exemplify their view of the world. Another thing which blurs the distinction between fact and fiction is Michael Jackson himself. There is a double unreality about staging the fiction of a criminal trial around a figure who has been assembled by cosmetic surgeons. Jackson’s freakish body represents the struggle of fantasy against reality, the pyrrhic victory of culture over biology. Quite a few young people are not even aware that he is black. If postmodern theory won’t acknowledge that there is any such thing as raw nature, neither will this decaying infant.

This is bullshit of the very highest order. And it reminds me of a lovely story Frank Kermode once told me. He was on a British Council lecture tour in China, speaking to university students about Shakespeare. In one institution, he was heard in respectful silence. At the end, his host encouraged the students to ask the great man some questions. Eventually, a shy student put up her hand. “Do you know Telly Eagleton?”, she said. This was the only question he was asked!

On this day…

… in 1935 T.E. Lawrence died after being injured in a motorbike crash. There was an interesting item on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme claiming that both US and UK troops in Iraq are reading Seven Pillars of Wisdom as a guide to Arab culture. (And no, I did not make that up!) It’s a bit like Tony Blair speed-reading the Koran after 9/11.

Quote of the day

We could really speed up the whole process of drug improvement if we did not have all the rules on human experimentation. If companies were allowed to use clinical trials in Third World countries, paying a lot of poor people to take risks that you wouldn’t take in a developed country, we could speed up technology quickly. But because of the Holocaust —

Francis Fukuyama, quoted in yesterday’s Washington Post. The quote tails off as I’ve set it out.

I’m reminded of Larry Summers’s idea that pollution should be moved to poor countries because life is cheaper there. How do these screwballs acquire reputations as major public intellectuals?

Specialist schools: the new suckers

Here’s a neat little sca…, er scheme. The UK government, in its laudable attempt to raise school standards, has a ‘specialist school’ programme. The aim is to encourage schools to aspire to excellence in a particular field, and to reward such aspirations and efforts. All very right and proper, not to say admirable. As I understand it, if a school gets specialist status, then the government offers it additional funding (~£100k) provided the school can match that by raising £50k itself from companies and sponsors.

So far, so good. Schools in affluent areas can generally raise the necessary £50k, but their counterparts in poorer areas have great difficulty in raising the dosh.

Enter, stage right, a friendly US monopolist which offers to provide the sponsorship needed to tip the school over the threshold.

Hooray! Microsoft is generously donating £50k to every needy, aspirational school! What a turn-up for the books!

Er, no. In the words of the hapless Specialist Schools Trust,

Microsoft has offered to support a further 65 aspiring specialist schools. Support is for schools applying in the October 2005 bidding round only and will be in the form of a software licence entitling schools to Microsoft software titles, upgrades and support over the initial four-year development period.

Neat, isn’t it. The cost to Microsoft is precisely zilch. But the result is 65 more hapless schools being locked into a software and hardware ecology that none of them can sustain or support. It’s a bit like a re-run of those Imperialist narratives where African tribesmen sign away their natural resources for a handful of baubles. And what’s funny is that the Specialist Schools Trust professes itself “delighted” by the wheeze. That’s probably because the Trust’s worthies know as little about software as the aforementioned tribesmen knew about Uranium 235.

Microsoft understands the value of W.C. Fields’s famous adage: never give a sucker an even break.