Clear Channel Purchases the FCC

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) announced today that it has agreed to be acquired by Clear Channel Communications (CCU) of San Antonio, Texas.

In announcing the deal, FCC Chairman Michael Powell said “This transaction will greatly expedite the demise of the antiquated concept of local ownership of media outlets. Critics of deals such as this need to understand that Clear Channel embodies all that is good and decent in the broadcast industry, and anyone that believes otherwise clearly isn’t listening to the news.”

In a statement issued today, Clear Channel CEO Lowry Mays said “This acquisition is a perfect strategic fit for Clear Channel. The FCC has been a wonderful business partner for the past several years, and has carried out our directions with great enthusiasm. We are proud to welcome the FCC into the Clear Channel family of companies.”

Although terms of the deal were not immediately available, It is said that the acquisition will include all components, operating units and assets of the FCC, except for its soul, which was sold in a prior transaction to Satan, Inc. in 1996.

Clear Channel, which owns broadcast facilities, shopping malls, billboard advertising, and concert promotion units all across North America, has been on an acquisition binge for the past several years, and has recently broadened the scope of its acquisitions to include government entities. In a recent deal, CCU purchased a 50% interest in the U.S. Congress, and is reportedly close to striking a deal to purchase The White House. Clear Channel already has been integrally running the George Bush presidency. Clear Channel’s Stock stood at $42.09 at the close of Monday’s trading, up $1.39, or 3.42%

Satire? Only just. Thanks for Steve McGookin for the text.